VETS SAY THIS SEEMINGLY HARMLESS WAY YOU SHOW YOUR DOG AFFECTION MAY ACTUALLY BE ANNOYING THEM

If you share your life with a dog, you already know that nothing beats a good cuddle. Curling up with your pup can lift your mood, reduce stress, and even lower your blood pressure. And your dog often benefits just as much—cuddling makes them feel safe, strengthens their bond with you, and boosts their overall happiness.

But there’s one exception: when you sneak up on them while they’re dreaming about treats and squirrels.

As tempting as it may be to snuggle your dog while they’re snoozing on the couch, approaching them when they’re asleep or caught off-guard can startle and upset them.

“They hate it! It’s not fair,” said Margaret M. Duxbury, a board-certified veterinary behaviourist based in Minneapolis. Her simple advice: “If possible, let a sleeping dog lie.”

Dog trainer Nicole Skeehan, owner of Philly Unleashed, suggests putting yourself in their paws. Imagine someone invading your space while you’re napping or trying to focus—you’d probably feel startled or irritated, too.

“If we can understand this reaction in human terms, why are we surprised when our dogs react the same way?” she said.

Dogs can become just as startled or stressed when we sneak up on them—especially during sleep, playtime, or when they’re enjoying a treat. Some may growl or snap, while others might scoot away or even hide and tremble, explained Valli Parthasarathy, a veterinary behaviour specialist and co-founder of Synergy Veterinary Behaviour in Portland, Oregon. Others may simply give a hard stare or keep snoozing—but that doesn’t mean they’re enjoying the surprise contact.

“These behaviours are how dogs communicate their need for space, yet many people struggle to accept or respect those signals,” Skeehan said.

Keep in mind, every dog will react differently.

Several factors can influence how your dog reacts in these situations. Early life experiences, for instance, play a major role in shaping what a dog finds frightening or stressful. Dogs that were abused or not properly socialized as puppies may respond more negatively, as those experiences shape their sense of what feels threatening.

Personality matters, too. “A dog of any breed might be outgoing or reserved, touch-loving or touch-averse, expressive or stoic — and these traits influence how they react when uncomfortable,” Skeehan said.

Their level of comfort with both you and their environment also affects their response, Parthasarathy added. Dogs tend to be more tolerant with people they trust. As Skeehan explained, a dog may barely react when a trusted owner crosses a boundary, but may respond more intensely if a stranger does the same thing.

Finally, a dog’s health can shape how they respond to touch. “A dog with arthritis in the hips may be more sensitive to being touched in that area,” Parthasarathy said.

Here’s the best way to approach – and pet – your dog.

According to Duxbury, many dogs enjoy being petted or cuddled—but they like to have a say in how long and by whom. In general, it’s important not to assume your dog always wants to be touched. Instead, invite them into your space rather than forcing a cuddle. “This lets them decide whether they’re in the mood for interaction,” Skeehan advised.

When approaching a dog, Parthasarathy recommends making sure they are aware of your presence first. Approach from a direction where they can see you. Avoid waking a sleeping dog by touching them, and don’t bend over or loom over them, Duxbury added, as this can make them feel threatened or unsafe.

A better way to initiate interaction is to call their name or make a familiar noise, like crinkling a treat bag or toy. For deaf dogs, place a fragrant treat near their nose. Then give them a moment to get up and reorient themselves before letting them approach you.

Most dogs prefer scratches on the chest, shoulders, back, or under the neck rather than on the top of the head. Start with gentle tickles and observe their reaction. If they move closer, paw at, or nudge your hand, they’re asking for more attention. If they move away, avoid your hand, or show signs of aggression, they’re signalling that they want space.

Paying attention to and respecting these signals helps build long-term trust and mutual understanding.

“It’s amazing how much closer our relationships become when dogs have this open line of reciprocal communication,” Duxbury said.